Monday, April 29, 2013

Yearning ~ Aphrodisiacs from A to Z

José Ferraz de Almeida Júnior
[Public domain or Public domain],
via Wikimedia Commons
Yearning is to desire as Lindt Hazelnut Truffles are to my waistline: one increases the other, over time. (I know y'all know what I'm talkin' about; can I get an Amen???)

Everybody knows that absence makes the heart grow hornier fonder, right? It's pretty simple logic, really: sex with the one you love makes you feel good (I hope, for your sake). Your lover goes away on business for a while. As the days pass, the high from your last sexual encounter diminishes, until it's completely gone from your system. You start to crave that high. The longer you go without your lover, the stronger the craving, until your babe returns and WHAM! (And W00F!)

Understand that I'm not advocating manipulative behavior on anyone's part, I'm just noting things which have caused yearning for a man in me, which might work for you, if you feel like shaking things up a bit. Do, or do not, but don't be cruel to a heart that's true, 'cause that's fucked up.
  • Be unpredictable about when you reach out to your lover; uncertainty fuels longing.
  • Give your lover a couple of nights off, encouraging him/her to hang out w/pals, etc., while you do your own thing. Being reunited on that third night should feel oh, so good.
  • If you're normally super touchy-feely w/your partner, ease up the next time y'all get together. Be as friendly, chatty, caring as you usually are, but not touchy, without making a point of the fact you're not being touchy. Less makes your lover want more.

What if you're the one helplessly (and maybe hopelessly?) yearning for another and it's making you crazy? Well, le suck (and believe me, I know). But the suckage will decrease as time goes by. (I promise.) In the meantime...

If it's a temporary separation (due to travel or school or short-term alien abduction) (What? That last thing could totally happen.):
1. Take care of yourself (eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, take vitamins/medications as recommended by your doctor).
2. Fill your free time with things you love doing. If you've no particular passions beyond your lover, find some.
3. Folks tend to let regular get-togethers w/pals slide in the first flush of romance. If you did, apologize to your neglected friends, swear you'll do better from now on, and treat them to a fun night out. (Or in with your DVR/DVD player/VCR.) (Hey, I still have/use a VCR; don't judge.)
If it's a breakup or a case of love you KNOW will never be requited, to the above, add:
4. Give yourself a finite period of time to mourn your loss. (I'd recommend not exceeding 1 - 2 weeks, but I'm not a doctor, so WTF do I know?) Of course, if the breakup comes after years of couple-dom, grieving may prove a longer process than a couple of weeks can handle. However long you set yourself, do all your talking/crying/ice-cream eating/wine-ing then but, when the period's up, STOP. You, and your friends, will need a break.
5. After this mourning period, if intrusive thoughts about the person, or the relationship, plague you, sit down and write/type up thoughts that please you/make you happy, which have nothing to do with him or her. Then, when the undesired thoughts invade your tired mind, look at your list and think on one of the good thoughts instead. Keep doing this until you don't need to anymore. (This is a pretty basic exercise employed in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, one I learned from a licensed psychiatrist years ago and, while I can't say it's easy, I've found that it does help if I keep at it.)
6. If, after employing all of the above five steps for at least a month, you don't feel more human/sane, please seek professional help.
If it's a loss due to the death of your loved one
The grieving process differs in such a way that step #4 cannot possibly qualify as helpful, at all. But I think the other steps I listed above are important, especially #6.

In the first scenario, you've the luxury of knowing the separation is temporary, as well as the reasonable expectation of your lover's return. In the other two, own battered heart goes out to you. Know that you're loved and still capable of loving, abundantly, as long as your heart's still beating. I hope healing comes quickly for you, but until it does, just keep going. You have to. Yes, you really do.



  1. This is so true. The build up can be great.

  2. I hate it that my guy is gone 5 days a week but it's made me look forward to Thursday when he comes home. Then we have to cram a week's worth of lovin into 2 days. ;)

  3. Yearning is a good thing--it shows that you are still passionate about things and still reaching for more.

  4. Excellent advice and you're right, yearning is an awesome aphrodisiac. I loved this post.

  5. That was a heartwarming post Mina! I think my characters could use your advice *they're "yearning" is a bit extreme today*

  6. Love this post! As with writerlysam, my novel is currently in the yearning phase!

  7. Get post and great tips!!



  8. I kind of miss when I had someone to yearn for, though I'm really glad to be rid of my dysfunctional "fiancé." Maybe someday I'll have another relationship, in spite of my overwhelming track record in guys' friend zone.

  9. Not the best person to talk to about this right now lol. Soooo...I'll retreat to my corner with wine and chocolate...for the next few weeks. ;)

  10. Thanks, everyone. Here's to all of our yearnings being fulfilled. ::raises glass::


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