Thursday, May 23, 2013

Le List Du Bucket (WIBWIW)

For today's installment of Whatever...I'll Blog What I Want (aka WIBWIW), I wanna tell you about my new Bucket List.

For the longest time, I rolled my eyes at the idea of a Bucket List, 'cause I'm cynical like that. Or just crabby. Or maybe I've just got wobbly eyes.


I just thought that, if folks had shit they wanted to do, they should just sort it out and get to it. Ain't nobody got time for makin' lists like that!


I've changed my mind. I've started a list.

(Does this worry you?)

(It totally should.)

I've no lofty goals on my Bucket List. In fact, for the moment, it's quite short, consisting solely of:
  1. TP my enemies' houses.
  2. Fork their lawns.
In fact, it's not much of a list at all, is it? More like a non-rhyming couplet.


I don't care to dwell on the fact that my List Du Bucket focuses on vengeance. Though, in point of fact, I do have enemies and they are classified as such 'cause they were awful to me and totally deserve it.

But my list needs more...

What benign ways of avenging yourself against those who've authored your tears can you think of?


  1. Spreading a 50 lb sack of dandelion seeds all over your enemy's lawn would not be as labour-intensive as forking and not so good for revenge in the short-term, but the long-term payoff would be excellent. Also, I've heard that putting a dead salmon in someone's toilet tank is highly effective, especially if they don't think to check the tank for the rotting fish carcass smell and have to call a plumber

  2. It will probably sound extremely cheesy and silly but the best way I can think of taking revenge on someone who was once responsible of my tears is by being as happy, successful and fulfilled as I can be, so they die out of envy.

  3. A famous urban legend over here is the tale of a woman that on finding out her husband had lied that he was on a business trip and really had gone on a two week holiday with his secretary, sewed prawns into the curtain linings and sowed watercress seed onto all the carpets. Then she watered the carpets well, turned on the heating to full, packed her bags and moved out. Its a brilliant revenge, but I don't think its true.

  4. Fork their lawns? That is no way to get back at them - then you are just aerating their soil! *giggles*

    Hasn't it been said the success is the best revenge? That's my plan.

  5. I don't know weather I'd do it to my enemies, that's a whole lot of work to waste on them. I would Peep someone's lawn though (same thing as fork-ing but with marshmallow peeps on bamboo skewers.) but I would totally spend the energy on someone who loves me and could find the humor in it.

    On my bucket list...

    Zip line the tree top canopies (hopefully the end of the summer)
    Go on a cruise (Sometime next summer 40th birthday thing!)
    Run a 10K (September, bought and paid for!)

    See, my list isn't lofty either. Mainly because as soon as something makes the list, I also just go out and make it happen.

  6. What is forking their lawns? I am not one for revenge...I think about it, what I'd like to say to tear the person down, but I never act on it.

  7. Three words: Flesh Eating Bacteria

    I know... I'm kinda hard on my enemies. I'm awesome like that. :0)



  8. I don't like to waste time thinking about enemies (but if I dreamed of revenge, it would be so much worse than TP and forking).
    The only thing I can think of for a bucket list would be to have free access to movies and watch whatever I wanted at any time. That would be a dream come true. (I have pitiful little dreams, huh? lol)

  9. Is it wrong that I'm sitting here grinning at the fact that your bucket list focuses on vengeance? Does that make me a sociopath? The most entertaining bucket list I've seen in a long time! ;)

  10. well there are many ways I can imagine of sweet vengeance...depends on the situation and how close you are to the person. Honestly though, it 'aint worth it. Anyone who made you cry and caused you pain didn't appreciate your greatness, so fuck 'em.

    However, you could sell raffle tickets online for their house or car and arrange a nudist, swinging party on their front lawn.

  11. @Maple Syrup Land - OHMAHGAH, dandelion seeds, I love it!!! :-D

    @AL & Tami - I agree, but it's taking too long to achieve those things. TP works faster. :-D

    @Juli - PEEPS, THE ULTIMATE REVENGE!!!!! :-)

    @JoJo - Basically, it's sticking someone's lawn full of plastic forks. An annoyance, certainly, but not seriously harmful (and, as Tami noted above, you're aerating their soil!) :)

    @Valerie - I'm making a recurring mental note to never, EVER, piss you off. Ever. ;-)

    @Lexa - The movie thing's an awesome wish; wouldn't it be the grooviest if you could get new releases (that are still in theaters) to air in your home, whenever you wished???

    @LGH - THANK YOU! Finally, someone who digs my evil genius! :-D

    @Juliette - Yeah, taking the high road hasn't satisfied me, really. Just call me Montresor. :-)

  12. I know people who've forked lawns before. Some kids in my class in high school even did it to a teacher. I think I'd find it funny if someone did it to me.

  13. LOL at the dandelion seed comment. That's evil. Crabgrass is worse. Creeping Charlie apparently can't be killed.

    Who would be mean to you???!

  14. One of the tops on my bucket list is to learn to speak French! I spoke it as a child, lost it, and would now love to learn it again!

  15. @LG - I didn't even know about this lawn forking stuff till a friend from the mid-west told me about it, like, a month ago! :-)

    @Tonja - I KNOW, RIGHT??? (Folks who deserve a good lawn-forking, I guess.) ;-)

    @Rocky - Well, that's a totally doable goal, n'est-ce pas? I learn best in a classroom setting, but some folks do well with at-home programs, like Rosetta Stone and whatnot. Good luck bringing sexy French back! :-D

  16. Ooh, a bucket list of vengeance... I love that idea so much!


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