Monday, February 10, 2014

What love is...

By Durdana shoshe (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0
via Wikimedia Commons
In a previous post, I bitched about how ruinous loving is. And it is.

But that's not all it is.

In my late 30s, I began to draw parallels between romantic and paternal love. Not in an Oedipus/Electra kinda way, 'cause that's gross. The love my parents (who are not perfect people) show me and my sis, and even more, the love I feel for my son, is straightforward and manifests in obvious ways:

  1. Love looks out for you, as regards basic needs and comforts (food, rest, shelter, chocolate*).
  2. Love needs to see you well and happy.
  3. Love wants you to feel better ASAFP when you're not well, whether it's from physical, mental, or emotional trauma.
  4. Love shares with you, without conditions or expectations.
  5. Love laughs with you.
  6. Love does for you.
  7. Love accepts the feelings of anger, disappointment, and sadness you engender, but will always want to hold you close again (eventually; but the wait shouldn't be too long).
  8. Love waits for you to get your head out of your ass and apologize for whatever heinous fuckery you've perpetrated.
  9. Love understands that you may never apologize and forgives you anyway.
  10. Love may hurt you, but it'll want to fix that hurt, too, even when it doesn't understand WTF your problem is (see #2).
  11. Love wants to touch you (to the degrees appropriate to your relationship).
  12. Love wants you to want its touch (see parenthetical statement in #11).
  13. Love recognizes and respects that you are your own person.
But the critical factor of real Love: You don't have to work for it, you don't have to earn it; it's just always there for you. Always.

Now, in my early 40s, I feel that's what I should expect, when it comes to romantic love: obvious demonstrations of love that don't demand anything extraordinary of me, and a well of that same feeling within me for the other person, one that never runs dry.

And lots of exhausting, mind-annihilating, earth-shaking, God-revealing sex. Of course.

Maybe romantic love won't happen for me.

But I believe it happens.

Wishing you all Love, now and forever.

*chocolate is totally a basic need.


  1. What a sweet -- and true -- post. It reminds me of that old song by Cheap Trick, "I Want You To Want Me." I love that song. Have a great week. :)

    1. Aw, that's a fun song! Thanks for stopping by, Lexa - I owe you (and lots of others) a return visit!

  2. At least I finally have this kind of love with my fiance'....including the earth shattering sex (sometimes I swear the neighbours smoke a cigaret afterwards). No one's ever loved me as much as he does, not even my parents.

  3. Love is the most simple and yet most complicated emotion of all. I'm not sure we're supposed to understand it, just go along with the flow. Wishing you lots of romantic love in your future! :-)

  4. I'm pretty sure I'm back to being a spinster, but I know it happens for many other people. I often think of the final two intertitles of the 1926 film Faust, which are about the power of the "one word," Liebe (Love), to do so many things.

    1. I believe the 21st C term for a "spinster" is a "total babe." :-)

  5. Great post Mina. Although I don't really believe in unconditional love. I don't think that it should be unconditional. I think we should treat every day is a new day to court our lovers. But what a great love you describe.

    1. Yeah, I agree with the daily renewed courting, which I see as just one offshoot of unconditional love. I think, perhaps, folks have conflicting views on what it means to love unconditionally. The way I perceive it, the emotion is always there, but the behavior is what may change. For example, when someone you love is deliberately hurting you, you can remove yourself from immediate impact without ceasing to love. Like that.

  6. Very thoughtful - number 8 is so true. I am back at - and am doing A to Z. WTF, right?


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