Me, thinking out loud: A good-looking, single man...with a good job, a good sense of humor...someone I can trust.
Mom: That's a special order, and you have to wait, because that can only come from Heaven.
Me, after another moment's thought: Think I can place the order over the Internet?
Note to self: when placing order, remember to specify "straight."
PS: As it happens, it does not appear to be possible to legitimately order one's soulmate from Heaven via the Internet. I guess I'll go back to praying, then. Meanwhile, I did manage to successfully order things from Vera Bradley and Sephora which, though there's a significant dent in my wallet, somewhat mitigates my feelings of disappointment from failing in my initial endeavor.