Friday, July 15, 2016

Why May 2016 Mostly Sucked

So, mid-June I put up a long post detailing the shocking and untimely news of my ex-husband's death, which I had to break to our son, Balthazar, the day before he graduated college on May 28 (and two days before Balthy turned 21 on May 29).

I poured a lot of angst into that post. I was still in shock, I reckon (and perhaps I still am). I didn't give a hot damn about all the raw ick I laid out into the Blogosphere at the time, and I don't regret doing it now. I did decide, however, to remove the post, as it served its purpose of explaining why I'd become even more incognita than usual while providing me the outlet I needed at the time. I just didn't want it up anymore, but I did feel it right to bookmark the event, if you will, on my blog, as it's had quite an impact on my life.

Other reasons why May sucked:

  • I'd been putting aside money in anticipation of moving out of my parents' place (which I'd moved back into in the fall of 2012, as it was either pay rent or pay for Balthy's schooling, and Balthy's schooling won out, as is right and proper). I had a tidy sum set aside. With the death of Balthy's father, and the realization of there being no will (thus, no executor for the estate), I've had to fork over almost all of my savings to retain an estate attorney, who's to work on securing Balthy's right to administer his father's estate. The thing is, Balthy doesn't get anything in return for this right, it just means he gets to deal with wrapping up his father's life. The only benefit of being the administrator, really, is that he'll have the legal right to learn the entirety of his father's assets--though it doesn't qualify him to inherit them (because his father died while still technically married to someone whom he'd planned on divorcing anyway, but she'd only moved out and there was no legal paperwork citing a split, so she's legally entitled to quite a bit, actually). Ugh. Anyway, retaining a lawyer seemed the best way to protect my son's interests, so that's what I felt compelled to do. So moving into a home of my own again doesn't seem likely to happen this year after all.
  • My boss at my day job announced her departure for pastures greener. This was also an unanticipated event which rather blew my mind. We're to begin interviewing the folks who've passed the first phase of a phone interview with my boss' boss (my grandboss?) next week. Next week is also my boss' last week. I've worked with the gal for over a decade here, and while we've had our ups and downs, I love her like a sister and feel a bit at sea thinking of working without her. It's a bit weird, really. The other unsettling bit, of course, is not knowing how things'll be with the new boss. Fingers crossed for goodness.
  • Mid-May, a bunch of us from the office attended a week-long conference to learn a new software product we've just signed up for. The shit imploded my brain several times. As well, I developed a nasty allergic reaction to something on my face that week, which took about two weeks to heal--I initially thought it was a new skin-care product I'd tried but after another recent business trip which saw a minor version of the allergic reaction flare up, I'm beginning to think it's whatever's used to clean the linens. (I had the same problem from one other hotel, years ago.)
  • I lost my wallet. Had to cancel my debit/credit cards, file a police report, the works. GAH!
  • I started smoking again. Not at the level I used to, but after I had to deal with telling my kid about his father's death (!!!), I did fall off the wagon and haven't managed to clamber back on. Tentatively, I'm thinking I'll kick the cigs again on the three-year anniversary of when I initially quit (August 19). Right now, I'm forgiving myself for the crutch because I'm only human and dayum, shit got really real.

Here's the one good thing that happened in my life this May: my baby graduated college!

Balthy and GML on graduation day.
His cap is tilted so far back on his head
it didn't make it into the selfie.

He and his band are planning an East coast tour for end of July/most of August. In the meantime, he's doing a part-time internship at a comedy club (a perfect fit for him) and will likely look for more work when he's back from the tour.

I'd told Balthy I knew just the place I'd like to take him for booze once he could drink legally. Still owe him that outing, the prospect of which, I have to admit, is one of the few things keeping up my spirits*.

*Geddit, geddit? Spirits? Alcohol? It's a pun? Hey, It's been rough, give a Goth Mom (Lite) a break, wouldja?


  1. That sounds like a crazy month. Congratulations to your son on graduating, though! I wish you both the best. Hopefully the rest of 2016 will be better.

  2. I'm amazed that you're even standing. That's one hell of a journey in a too short a period of time!
    Take care, we'll be here when you need us!
    But, congrats on raising such a wonderful son!

  3. Boy when the shit hits the fan, it really hits the fan doesn't it? Ugh. Actually, if Balthy is going to administer the estate, he actually is entitled to a fee for doing it. At least that was the law in California. I got about $600 or $700 for taking care of my friend Sean's Will/Estate when he passed. I know it's a drop in the bucket if his dad had substantial assets. I think what his widow gets, after all the bills & liens are paid, will depend on how long they were married. I know you live in NY which I assume is a community property state. Still though, as the son of the decedent you would think he'd get an equal share.

  4. @LG - Thank you. At this point in my life, I'm just hoping things don't get any worse.

    @Yolanda Renée - Merci, madame. I only stand when I have to. When I don't, I sleep.

    @JoJo - It really does. No one's mentioned Balthy being compensated for administering the estate--although it's possible no one's thought to mention it. If there'd been a will, and things had been spelled out, it's possible Balthy would've gotten the entirety of the estate (after debts and such are paid off). However, since his dad died intestate, the law provides some protection for a surviving spouse, regardless of the length of the marriage. Offspring come second. (This has been confirmed by two separate NY attorneys and someone from the court where the paperwork will be filed.)

  5. This all sucks pretty much, except for the graduation bit. Where's his band touring? Are they coming down my way? You should get the two of you to that bar as soon as possible. I imagine Balthy's been a little stressed as well. I'm always thinking of you, you know.

    1. Surely not always??? (I know--don't call you Shirley.)

      Not sure where the band's touring; every time I ask the not-so-little blighter for details he's all, "IDK, got it written down somewhere..." But if you're ready for some indie prog rock, I'll let you know.


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