Monday, August 31, 2015

Honesty

My son (aka Balthazar, the Kid) tapped on my bedroom door.

Me, looking up from my sprawled position on my bed: Oh, hey Kid. How long've you been up?

Balthy: An hour.

Me, surprised: Yeah? I haven't heard you. Whatcha been doin'?

B, shrugging: Avoiding responsibility.

Me, having lost an afternoon binge-watching the 1st season of Fargo on Hulu: Me too.





Took Balthy up to college for the start of his Senior year this weekend. If all goes according to schedule, he should be graduating in May 2016, God willing.

I almost can't believe it.

These past three years have challenged me, exhausted me. Now I've a year to get my shit together so we can move into a place of our own again, while simultaneously saving the requisite funds to put out another book (oh, and I suppose I should finish writing it, as well). I'm thrilled and terrified. I almost feel like a graduate myself. (I say "almost" because my back and knees frequently remind me that I ain't no spring chicken.)

Not gonna lie—I fear the future. It sucks when you're going through hell, but at least there's a devil you know. Yet all we can do is keep going.

Because what's the alternative? We're either going or stopping. I sometimes don't know which is preferable. But who, on this side of the veil, can know?

I'll keep going, I guess, till I'm either recalled or have no other reason to. In the meantime, I'm going to make myself some hot cocoa and get to work on my story.

That is all.


11 comments:

  1. We all need to avoid responsibility from time to time. The future scares me too, but it also excites me. I guess I'll just keep going until I can't anymore.

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  2. I can't believe he's in his final year of school. Seems like just yesterday you were bummed out that he was starting! Time is going by way too fast.

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  3. Your little baby's almost out of college! Yikes! I know the feeling. Time flies by and then they're done and perhaps gone not long after. (I suppose I didn't need to throw that in there, did I.) But, MILESTONE coming up. Think of it as reaching another goal, that morphs into another one or two or three. You've done good. You've accomplished much in your life, not the least of which is preparing Balthy to fly the nest, and you have done very well there. You've raised a fine young man. Keep on truckin'. (Does anybody still know that reference? Talk about old!)

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  4. you OK? You sound a bit stressed - maybe that living with rents thing and all that - hang in there..

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  5. The future is a frightening place but it's not like we can stop tomorrow. So write those stories, and celebrate a job well done! "Best Mom in the World!"
    Me, I'm gonna go do the laundry, we all need clean clothes - you never know what's around the next corner!

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  6. The lovely bittersweet-ness of dealing with all manner of things. Kudos to the kid for making it this far into the college game. And kudos to you for being human and taking a moment to acknowledge it.

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  7. Hang in there, Mina. You'll get there with all your goals. Just think. You've managed to write an entire freaking book! That's amazing. You'll do it again. I know it.

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  8. It does go so fast, doesn't it?

    I feel like I just read about you sending him off and now here he is, a senior.

    Life will just keep moving forward though, no matter how much you may want to avoid it. But stopping for cocoa is always a welcome retreat.

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  9. LOL, who needs responsibility, anyway? XD

    And I can relate so well to your fear of the future. Best of luck plowing ahead despite that!

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  10. Responsibility is totally overrated. Promise.

    Hugs!

    Valerie
    http://www.flyingplatypi.com

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  11. I have a senior in high school, and I find myself getting choked up here and there, wishing to stop time, but enjoying this time with him, just the same. It's a trip.

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