Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Dadisms

My Dad in the late 50s/early 60s,
an unwitting Proto-Goth.
In honor of my Dad's birthday today, I thought I'd share with you some of the wise sayings (hence, Dad-isms) he's laid down on my sister Star and me over the years. But I feel I must warn y'all in advance—my Dad grew up in a village, among earthy farm-folk, hardened by years of near poverty, who didn't mince their words. What follows is tinged with scatological humor that may offend the delicate among you, so don't read on if you're squeamish.

OK, so...

On Putting Your Crushes On A Pedestal
When I was a teen, I plastered the walls of the room my sis and I shared with posters of my musical idols, mostly Duran Duran. One day, my dad entered and caught me drooling admiring their handsome visages. With a sneer, he said, "Eles são muito jeitosos, não são? Imagina-los a cagar." (Translation: "They're very handsome, aren't they? Imagine them shitting.") This is somewhat in the vein of Jonathan Swift's poem The Lady's Dressing Room, and just generally good advice on not getting carried away by a pretty face, I must say.

On Economizing
My sis and I begged our Dad to take us to the mall. "What do you want to go there for?" he asked in English. "We need to go to Macy's, to get some facial cleaners and stuff," we said. That infamous sneer put in an appearance as he replied, "Oh, you need some more shit to clean your face?" leaving Star and me in hysterics for a good five minutes before we could resume our begging. What he really meant was that we could manage our beauty routines just as effectively with drugstore products, rather than blowing our cash on the higher-end stuff. Probably.

On How to Take Command of Any Conversation
If we ever asked him a question he wasn't in the mood to answer, for some mysterious reason (so, like, all the time), he'd reply, "É o Judas, a cagar no deserto." (Translation: "It's Judas, shitting in the desert.") 'Cause, you know, he's a staunch Catholic and enjoys teaching us lessons he can relate back to the Bible. After that bomb, we'd generally sigh and repeat the question, which seemed to please him, as he'd smile at our exasperation. I've asked numerous members of the family if this "saying" was a common one with the Portuguese and was advised that the coarser folk employed it, though it's not very polite. Yeah, no kidding.

So, Happy Birthday, Dad, and thanks for all of the life lessons you've painstakingly taught Star and me through the years. May we remember them always.

27 comments:

  1. Your dad sounds like a real character. :) And you come from interesting stock! :D

    I am not offended as I'm not religious, but I can imagine how some might be a bit sensitive to it. haha

    ReplyDelete
  2. p.s. your dad was a spunk! hehe

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love the first one! I have found in the past, when I see a friend going crazy over a celebrity, I find myself thinking "You may think they're great, but they have to shit too!" It's good to see I'm not alone in that way of thinking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad that tidbit resonates with others. ;-)

      Delete
  4. Happy Birthday Mina's Dad! I'm not real religious but he sounds like someone I could get along with. I like people with character and a sense of humor. Plus, I'm an expert in mouse vs cockroach scat. True story. =P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ROTFLOL. And euw! :-)

      (Uh...what's the difference???)

      Delete
  5. Those are funny but I see a 'shit' theme here. lol My friend Ellen had a thing for Pete Townshend back in college & she's the first one who ever brought up the whole 'idols shitting on the toilet' thing. Never thought about it that way! lol My dad had a saying that he drilled into my & my cousins' heads, if we didn't finish all our dinner: "Do not throw upon the floor what you cannot eat for many a little hungry one would think it quite a treat". No wonder I have a weight problem. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My family belongs to the "clean your plate" club, too. Gaaaaaaaaah...

      Delete
  6. Hahahaha your dad sounds amazing. Thanks for sharing your dadisms with us.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Why is it Dad's always have wisdom about shit and other bodily functions?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They're good like that, ain't they? ;-)

      Delete
  8. Well, shit. That's not the image of Duran Duran I ever wanted in my head. Excellent advice, though. Coarse, yet somehow profound. Feliz aniversário to him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Muito obrigado! PS: I bet the Fab Five look adorbz when they're on the bog. :-D

      Delete
  9. Your young buck resembles his grandfather a bit, methinks. At least based on this pic. Is the sneer the same too? :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. IT IS! OMG, IT TOTALLY IS!!!!!!!!!! :-D

      Delete
  10. I enjoyed reading this. "Shit" is a good word to use for effect. I like the saying, "She thinks her shit doesn't stink."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Surprisingly, I haven't heard a Portuguese variation on that saying, though it seems there should totally be one.

      Delete
  11. Duran Duran - they were so pretty. Now 'Rio' is in my head. *Sigh.*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They're still pretty, in my heart. <3 :-)

      Delete
  12. Love the Judas crap*ping in the desert one-priceless!
    Your dad is handsome in a brooding kind of way.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dadism sounds like some kind of cult or philsophical movement - clearly one where you say shit a lot :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Haha, that first one is hysterical! I think I might just employ that with my kids. Nothing brings someone off the pedestal like envisioning them in the bathroom, eh?

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It sure did the trick at the time, lemme tell ya! :-D

      Delete

C'mon, post a comment. All the cool kids do.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...